vomit. and not the good kind.

i am going to begin this post by saying that last week was extremely intense for me and filled with exhaustion, stress and emotional instability. what was waiting for me when i got home wednesday night helped add to this issue.

background: the only time i had to study for a huge exam i had on thursday was wednesday night after getting home from class at 6. i was already stressed about what i had to do and was prepared to get things accomplished. however, the universe thought otherwise.....

i came home while on the phone with my dad and threw my school bag into a chair like any normal day and walked towards my room so that i could get some stuff i needed to begin studying. that is when i saw it. a squirrel was standing on my bed! staring at me! staring at me creepily like it was laughing! like he was playing a funny prank on me that was not funny in any way! he looked eerily like this:

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i thought for a moment that maybe i was delusional and it was all in my head, and then it leaped off my bed. that is when i knew it was real.

of course i freaked out. what are you supposed to do when a squirrel is on your bed?! i opened all of the doors in hopes that it would run outside without me needing to do anything. i stood by the couch and waited for a few minutes. it then peeked around my door and i tried to let it know that it was free to run outside, but it thought it would be a much better idea to run into my closet and hide amongst my clothes and storage boxes.

after repeating over and over again that of course this would happen to me, i decided that the best idea would be to get a broom and scare it out of my closet by moving things around and banging on the wall. i began to head towards the living room to get the broom and that is when i saw it. the squirrel had peed on my bed!!!! naturally, i got even more disturbed and nearly vomited. i was shaking because i was so freaked out and disturbed and i was trying to keep my stomach contents down while my dad kept telling me that if i was going to be able to get this squirrel out, i had to calm down. which is much easier said then done.

i had all the doors open in the lovely freezing 30 degree weather just so it would have a quick path outdoors. i gathered some courage and then began using the broom to try and scare the squirrel out of my closet. nothing happened. my dad thought that maybe the squirrel found a hole to crawl through (since i was not sure at the time how it got into the apartment. my dad kept reminding me that knowing how it got inside was not going to help me get it out so i had not thought of alternative ways  it could get in except that no one would break in and just throw a squirrel inside). i got a bit closer with my broom and moved a few things and then saw a tail! i swallowed some vomit right then and began shaking even more. i knew i couldnt get it out. i was way too scared i was going to be attacked. the one image that kept replaying in my mind was how my 7th and 8th grade latin teacher told us a story about a squirrel that ran up her leg, bit her thigh and made her bleed. that is the last thing that i wanted to happen to me. and i also didnt want rabies. and still dont want it. i dont care if an immunoglobuin and a vaccination exist. it still would not be fun and would take out even more of my study time.

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i began calling manly men to come help me and of course, no one answers. i called tracy and im so glad she actually had her phone by her because she came to my rescue with a box and another broom! we emptied out my closet while making sure to not get too close to where the squirrel was and set up a trap to sweep the squirrel into the box. despite our efforts, we could not get it into the box. it kept squishing itself between the wall and my holiday decorations container more and more and the sound of it scratching the wall and knowing that it was less than a foot away from me was enough to scare me into stopping.

nick finally called me back and i told him the situation and how i needed help. his best idea was to get a blanket and throw it over the squirrel, pick it up and then throw it outside. he was also kind enough to let me know to not be surprised if its tail falls off because apparently that is a normal occurrence. the last thing i wanted was for this squirrel to touch more of my stuff. (who knew what it had already touched and it already peed on my bed!) i also knew that i could not handle a tail falling off, so i opted against the whole blanket idea.

that is when i noticed two guys playing frisbee outside. i went up them and told them my situation and how i needed them to help me. i could tell that they didnt believe anything i was saying, i mean, it sounded completely unreal, but i told them i was serious. they followed me to my apartment with the look of uncertainty on their faces. that is until they saw the squirrel with their own eyes and began to smile. they picked up the brooms and got the box situated to sweep the squirrel into and began trying. the squirrel was almost in the box and then it escaped and sprinted straight at me and tracy! lots of screaming was involved and i was worried that it went under my bed instead of outside. the guys went to look and found it out on the patio and quickly shut the door so that it couldnt come back in. i thanked them very much for saving my life and we all went on our merry ways.

naturally, i couldnt study after this nearly hour and a half adventure. i was still shaking. so instead, tracy and i shared some wine and then ate some delicious burgers. i began watching a lecture at about 10:30, but was unable to get much done since i had to get up at 5:45 the next day.

it turned out that the squirrel had fallen down the chimney and landed so hard that it was able to knock the flue slightly open and get out. my mom told me that at least i came home and found it on my bed because it would have been way worse to wake up at night to it jumping on me. thanks mom for looking on the bright side! if that had happened, no one would have been able to help me! i probably would have ended up sitting outside and crying.

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to wrap it up, callie told me i couldnt be a princess since i look like liz lemon when trying to do princess poses, but i think she is wrong. i am giselle from enchanted. little woodland creatures come to my "call". after this experience, i dont think i want to be a princess. at least not one that interacts with woodland creatures. i will be belle. because enchanted castle people are not woodland creatures. or ariel. fish are sea creatures which im sure are way better than woodland creatures. except for maybe sharks.

love.